Improving Interactive Technique in Groups: A Quick Reference
by Bill Moyer and Alan Tuttle (1977) and Joel Pomerantz (1998)
I excerpted, added to and massaged this piece from a longer article originally published November 10, 1977 entitled "Overcoming Masculine Oppression in Mixed Groups" in WIN Magazine (which began as Workshops in Nonviolence),
Bill Moyer (not to be confused with Bill Moyers) is now my neighbor in San Francisco, but was then, in 1977, an activist in the Philadelphia Region Network of the Movement for a New Society.
In 1983, New Society Publishers included the piece as a part of the book Off Their Backs—understanding & fighting sexism: A call to men overcoming masculine oppression in mixed groups.
| reactions • suggestions • comments |
Even though it was not usually our own decision to arrive, each of us can and ought to play a part in improving the world and the society we chanced to arrive into. We must take responsibility for the parts we play in society, and must do so in an affirmative way.
Our intentional participation in any group activity carries with it yet another layer of opportunity—and with it, moral obligation. By making a choice to take part in a group, our actions, habits and our views of ourselves matter to us and to the group.
We have too often learned to function based on hierarchy, control, and other authoritarian structures, which are only destructive to us. Our goal here is to rid our work, our play, and our society, when possible, of these forms of domination.
COMMON PITFALLS
These behaviors slow down or erode the sense of building a group of equals and can detract significantly from the group's progress toward its other goals. Having a common vocabulary allows one's participation in the group to be more constructively discussed afterwards (or during, with proper timing and gentleness).
Hogging The Show: Talking too much, too long, too loud.
Problem Solver: Continually giving the answer or solution before others have had much chance to contribute.
Speaking in Capital Letters: Giving one's own solutions or opinions as the final word on the subject, often aggravated by tone of voice or body posture.
Defensiveness: Responding to every contrary opinion as though it were a personal attack. "People obviously didn't understand what I was saying. What I meant was..."
Nit-picking: Pointing out minor flaws in statements and stating the exception to every generality.
Restating: especially a man restating what a woman has just said perfectly clearly.
Attention Seeking: Using all sorts of dramatics to get the spotlight.
Task and content focus: Excluding the nurturing of individuals or the group through attention to process and form.
Put-downs and One-Upping: "I used to believe that, but now..." or "How can you possibly say that...?"
Negativism: Finding something wrong or problematic in everything.
Focus Transfer: Transferring the focus of the discussion to one's own pet issues in order to give one's own pet raps.
Residual Office Holder: Hanging on to formal, powerful positions.
Self-Listening: Formulating a response after the first few words or sentences and not listening to anything from that point on, then leaping in at the first pause.
George Custerism: Intransigence and dogmatism; taking a last stand for one's position on even minor items.
Avoiding Feelings: Withdrawing into passivity, making jokes or intellectualizing when it's time to share personal feelings.
Condescension and Paternalism: "Now do any women (newcomers, kids, etc.) have something to add?"
Being "On The Make": Treating someone seductively, using sexuality to manipulate.
Playing Nurture Games: Seeking attention and support from one set of people while competing with another (such as women/men).
Running The Show: Continually taking charge of tasks before others have a chance to volunteer.
Graduate Studentitis: Protectively storing key information for one's own use and benefit.
Speaking For Others: "A lot of us think that we should...", "What so and so really meant was..." or saying "a lot of people" when thinking of one's self.
The full wealth of knowledge and skills is severely limited by such behaviors. People who are less assertive than others or who don't feel comfortable in a competitive atmosphere are, in effect, cut off from the interchange of experience and ideas. Those of us who always do a good deal of the talking will find we can learn a lot by contributing our share of the silence and listening to those around us.
BECOMING RESPONSIBLE
Change requires a forward-thinking perspective rather than one focused on faults and transgressions. Here are some specific ways we can be responsible to ourselves and others in groups:
Limiting our talking time to our fair share: With ten people in the group, we are entitled to roughly one tenth of the talking time.
Not interrupting people who are speaking: We can even leave space after each speaker, counting to five before speaking.
Becoming a good listener: Good listening is as important as good speaking. It's important not to withdraw when not speaking; good listening is active participation.
Getting and giving support: We can help each other be aware of and interrupt patterns of domination, as well as affirm each other as we move away from those ways. It is important that men support and challenge each other, rather than asking women to do so. This may help women have the space to break out of their own conditioned roles of looking after men's needs while ignoring their own.
Not giving answers and solutions: We can give our opinions in a manner which says we believe our ideas to be valuable, but no more important then others' ideas.
Relaxing: The group will do fine without our anxiety attacks.
Not speaking on every subject: We need not share every idea we have, at least not with the whole group.
Not putting others down: We need to check ourselves when we are about to attack or one-up. We can ask ourselves, "Why am I doing this? What do I need? How am I feeling?"
Cultivating democratic group process: Learning democratic methods and adopting democratic structures and procedures will improve our group process. Voting is not democratic.
Interrupting others' oppressive behavior: Together, we need to learn and develop caring and forthright ways of doing this.
Acknowledging our shortcomings makes us vulnerable. We (especially men) have been taught to be invulnerable, but in order to change and improve what we do together in our group and in society, we must be vulnerable together. The process of changing requires strong support in a safe atmosphere. Reading and discussing this quick reference may help that support and safety to come more easily.
| reactions • suggestions • comments |